need to know

there are things i've done that cannot be undone. i've come to terms with this.

what i need to know is that everything is going to be okay. that I'M going to be okay.

i entered this new year with an open heart and mind, ready to take on whatever came-- and i feel like i've done that to the best of my ability. . .. but i also feel like i've already screwed up. i KNOW i've screwed up- and i just don't know if these mistakes are ones i can live with.

(of course the irony is that i have to live with them. there's not really another option. i can't remove them, and i plan to keep living.) *sigh*

i'm feeling trapped by all this snow on the ground, i'm not making ANY money at work right because everyone is canceling their appointments, and i'm starting to feel like i have a dependence on something i don't want to have a dependence on.

but the only way out is through-----------------------

so here i go.